Zucchini Fritters Nigella Style

There's nothing better than cooking up a dish of amazing deliciousness, and both fellas in your house give you the brush off with, "No thanks."

And by "nothing better," I really mean, "Can I cut one of you with this butter knife and throw my whisks across the cucina Mommy Dearest style?"

If only I had whipped up these fab Zucchini Fritters for my 549 Facebook friends. Hello, 20 likes. If that's not love, I don't know what is. You know, since Facebook is real and all. I so have 549 friends in my true day-to-day existence who aren't named Elmo, Thomas or Curious George. Don't you?

I totally just coulda shoulda invited my Moms over. She so had my back on these morsels of shredded zucchini cakeypoofs in leftover style. And if any of you know the lady who gave me life, she is not one to dole out the accolades. Particularly to her overachiever, overextended, overanalytical middle daughter who is well aware that the kitchen cabinets need to be organized, I buy too many shoes and cookbooks, take too long to make home-renovation decisions, and am overall a massive disaster. What would I do without you, Mommy Obvious?

(I would lose my mind, honest to goodness. And the parents are getting out of dodge and moving to Florida forevs in August. I gots the major SADS!!)

But in addition to cleaning up the kitchen and offering her opinions on what should go where in my soon-to-be-newly-finished basement (yay!) my momma RAVED about my zucchini fritters the morning following her baby-sitting gig at mi messy casa.

"What were those things in the purple container in your refrigerator?"

"They were amazing."

"What was in them?"

Well, Mom, since you asked: These Zucchini Fritters courtesy of Nigella Lawson include two shredded zuccs, lots of scallions, a whole bunch of basil and parsley, a couple of eggs, some flour, feta, a splash of lime and a lotta love.

Just not from my Jersey Girl boy toys. Guess I needed to serve the zucchini fritters with a slab of beef or a pound of bacon or a vat of beer. I don't know. I thought my Evan baby doll would have housed them since he loves zucchini when I rock it out in other manners.  These are SO much zingy-ier, tastier, summerier than the Barefoot Contessa zucchini fritters that I whipped up two summers ago. Wow, how time flies.  The Nigella fritters are just heavenly: Crispy on the outside with the tang of the lime, punch of the feta. And the fresh herbs. Eek. Love it!

 My son did give me a good ole fakeout in that he straight up asked for a zucchini fritter and then ate a piece of bread.

Thanks, kid. And then he wanted a lollipop. The nerve!

Those of you who are actually good at gardening and produce gorgeous zucchinis by the bushel are gonna want to rock this one out. Trust.

Be sure to not invite my husband and son over for dinner.

(Disclaimer: I warned The Husband straight off the bat that when he declined my food he would hear about it for a good week and it would be a blog topic. He understands. I think. Well, maybe not.)

I also need to inform you that I swapped out the fresh and dried mint in the recipe for basil because the mint at my majorly low-grade ShopRite was looking an oh-so-appealing shade of brown. It kinda screamed out to me, "I've been festering on this shelf under fluorescent lights for two weeks now. DON'T buy me." So, I went with the basil. What? Produce in dodgy grocery stores doesn't talk to you?

Despite my herbalicious change, these fritters were divine, and I am sure the mint is fab, too. I liked the basil, lime, feta combo so much though, I may just stick with that. I mean really, what does Nigella know? Just kidding, Domestic Goddess. You know I'm gonna hunt you down in fangirl style when The Husband suddenly whisks me off to London one day like a General Hospital leading man.

Zucchini Fritters
From "Forever Summer"
By Nigella Lawson

4 zucchini (approximately 1 1/2 pounds)
5-6 scallions, finely chopped
9 ounces feta cheese
Small bunch fresh parsley, chopped
Small bunch fresh mint, chopped, plus extra to sprinkle over at the end
1 Tbsp. dried mint
1 tsp. paprika
Scant 1 cup all-purpose flour
Salt and pepper
3 eggs, beaten
olive oil for frying
3-4 limes

Coarsely grate the zucchini with either the grating blade in the food processor or by hand. Spread the little shards out on a tea towel and leave for about 20 minutes to get rid of any excess wetness.

Put the chopped scallions in a bowl and crumble in the feta. Stir in the chopped parsley and mint, along with the dried mint and paprika. Add the flour and season well with salt and pepper. Gradually add the beaten egg and mix thoroughly before stirring in the drained, grated zucchini. Don't be alarmed by the unflowing straggly lumpiness of this batter; it's meant to be this way.

Heat a few tablespoons of oil in a large frying pan and drop heaped desertspoons of the mixture into the hot oil, flattening the little cakes down with the back of the spoon as you go. Cook these little patties for about 2 minutes each side until golden, and then transfer to a couple of waiting plates.

Chop up the limes and tumble them about the edges of the plates. Sprinkle over a little more chopped mint and eat them just as they are, spritzed with lime juice as you go.

Makes about 25.

Please note: The Jersey girl used fresh basil and dried basil in place of fresh mint and dried mint.

Corn Chowder

It's a good day when a new cookbook arrives at my door, and every recipe is jumping off the page shouting, "Cook me. I rock."

OK. So maybe my imagination IS getting the best of me. And yes, a person really does exist in 2014 who knowingly and willing reads books like with paper. Even cookbooks. I also just updated my I.O.S. last week solely because the Jersey Girl headed to Bermuda with my home girls crew and wanted to make sure I could facetime my 3-year-old boyfriend. Electronics. I just don't care.

Sidenote: Bermuda was fab. Highly recommend.

Anywho, Bobby Deen of Cooking Channel fame and the offspring of the notorious Paula Deen put out a cookbook that's all about the yum yums of the south but with waaaaaaaaaaay less calories and fat and all that. I seriously want to cook up every single jammy jam in "From Mama's Table to Mine." The cover claims all the recipes make servings that clock in at 350 calories or less.

Now, I'm not one to keep track of numbers when eating my eats, but I do know based on my very small first-hand experience that when I kicked it down south for a week's vacay last year I felt like a super big fat ass upon return to Jersey. But dang, the cuisine of the dirty south is tasty. So, thank you, Bobby Deen for your hunka hunka of burnin southern lovin' cookbook. I'm so glad I got it. And I do dig your mama, too. Political correctness be DAMNED.

So you're probably all like, well come on, Jersey Girl. What did you cook up? Totally must be a Southern classic such as shrimp and grits or collared greens or fried chicken. No, no and no. Try again: Corn chowder, kids. A really fab corn chowder.

What the what?

Well, the corn was calling to me from the produce aisle. And with July right around the corner the Jersey corn will be at its peak in no time. So, you'll want this one in your arsenal especially for those cool summer nights down the shore.

You can totally use frozen corn in a pinch. And the other veggie ingredients are staples in my kitchen and cupboard: Carrots, celery, garlic, onion and potato. Pretty standard fare, no?

There is no cream in this recipe, but there is a bit of milk. I topped mine with some cheddar cheese because that's just how I do.

My little man tasted the soup. In fact, he ate about three or four spoonfuls. It's a start. I think he'll be asking for seconds by the time September rolls around. Just a hunch.

According to the cookbook, the Deen fam came up with this recipe to get a toddler type to eat his veggies. Fortunately, my toddler monster likes to get his veg on. But for all you mommas out there feeling so over the pizza, hotdog and chicken finger rotation, bust out your soup pot!

Jack's Corn Chowder
From "From Mama's Table to Mine"
By Bobby Deen
Makes 6 cups/Serves 6

1 Tbsp. low-calorie butter substitute spread
1/2 cup finely chopped onions
1/2 cup finely chopped carrots
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
3 cups fresh or frozen corn kernels
2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1 small potato, peeled and cut into chunks
1 1/2 cups whole milk
Pinch of nutmeg, preferably freshly grated
White pepper to taste

In a medium pot, melt the butter substitute over medium heat. Add the onions, carrots and celery and cook, stirring frequently, until the onions are softened, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 30 seconds. Add the corn and chicken broth and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Lower the heat and simmer for 10 minutes.

Remove 1 cup of the soup and puree in a blender or food processor; return the pureed soup to the pot.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, cover the potatoes with cold salted water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and cook until the potatoes are easily pierced with a fork, about 20 minutes. Drain and place in a blender or food processor. Add the milk and puree until smooth.

Add the potato mixture to the soup and season with nutmeg and pepper.

Please note: The Jersey Girl used unsalted butter instead of butter substitute and she used black pepper instead of white pepper.

Weeknight Keeper

Salmon is the REAL chicken of the sea.

At least in my very humble opinion.

It's always a go-to, and you're always looking for a new way to jazz it up. Doesn't that sum up all of our views on chicken?

No? 

Just, moi.

Come on, dear readers. Work with me.

This recipe is super fab: Panko-Crusted Salmon courtesy of the Barefoot Contessa. I always have the basic ingredients on hand and they are: panko (natch), fresh parsley, lemon and Dijon mustard. I rocked this out in my Le Creuset braiser. You need to cook it in a pan that works on your stove top and the oven.

The panko, which is Japanese bread crumbs in case you haven't heard, adds some crunch and texture. The lemon and parsley add freshness. Great elements for a fish dish, right?

This one is easy peasy.

Panko-Crusted Salmon
From "Barefoot Contessa: How Easy is That?"
By Ina Garten
Serves 4

2/3 cup panko (Japanese dried bread flakes)
2 Tbsp. minced fresh parsley
1 tsp. grated lemon zest
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 Tbsp. good olive oil
4 (6- to 8-ounce) salmon fillets, skin on
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
Lemon wedges, for serving

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit.

In a small bowl, mix together the panko, parsley, lemon zest, 1/2 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. pepper. Drizzle with the olive oil and stir until the crumbs are evenly coated. Set aside.

Place the salmon fillets, skin side down, on a board. Generously brush the top of the fillets with mustard and then sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Press the panko mixture thickly on top of the mustard on each salmon fillet. The mustard will help the panko adhere.

Heat the vegetable oil over medium-high heat in a 12-inch cast iron skillet or large, heavy, ovenproof pan. When the oil is very hot, add the salmon fillets skin side down, and sear for 3 to 4 minutes, without turning, to brown the skin.

Transfer the pan to the hot oven for 5 to 7 minutes until the salmon is almost cooked and the panko is browned. Remove from the oven, cover with aluminum foil, and allow to rest for 5 to 10 minutes. Serve the salmon hot or at room temperature with lemon wedges.

Healing from the Soup Pot

My summer break from my awesome gig as piano teacher extraordinaire is under way. We often embark on our home-improvement shenanigans during this time since the lady boss of the house, aka moi, can focus on things. Kind of.

This year is MEGA, in the words of my mom: The basement is getting finished. Holla!

As I explained to The Husband, this - THIS - this is going to change our WHOLE entire life.

But alas, in my effort to be the mac-daddy-planner that takes over my entire being when tackling a task, God, or I guess germs, decided to throw a twist and turn in my itinerary: The kid gets a cold.

In the grand scheme of things, a cold is not a huge ordeal, but as you mommas know, a sick toddler usually wants a whole lotta love and snuggles and kisses and huggies no matter how many boxes and hefty bags of old stuff need to be hauled out of the confines of the cellar into the empty corners of our house. Or onto the curb. Or to the Goodwill pile.

So, to help my baby feel more like his rockin' healthy self, I whipped up some Stracciatella Soup, which is code for Italian egg drop soup. The soup takes no more than 10 minutes. I also cooked some teeny tiny ditalina in a small pot on the side, drained them and added them to the soup at the end. I used Anna brand #63. They are more substantial than straight up baby pastina but smaller than regular ditalini. Any tiny pasta will do. My boy grooves on pasta stars, too. Really, he hasn't met a pasta he doesn't like. That's the Eye-tal-iano in him.

I made Giada's recipe from"Giada's Family Dinners." Make sure you use the fresh herbs in your egg mixture. They make all the difference!

This is a great soup to have on hand in the summer, because really, who wants to make a cauldron of hot stuff in the summer. But sometimes, you gots to do what you gots to do.

Stracciatella Soup
4 to 6 servings
From "Giada's Family Dinners"
By Giada De Laurentiis

6 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
2 large eggs
2 Tbsp. freshly grated parmesan cheese
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh basil
1 cup lightly packed spinach leaves, cut in thin strips
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Bring the broth to a boil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. In a bowl, whisk the eggs, cheese, parsley and basil to blend. Reduce the heat to medium-low. Stir the broth in a circular motion. Gradually drizzle the egg mixture into the moving broth, stirring gently with a fork to form thin strands of egg, about 1 minute. Stir in the spinach, then season the soup to taste with salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into bowls and serve.

Please note: To add pasta to your soup, bring a small pot of salted water to a boil. Add 1/2 cup of your favorite pastina. Cook according to package instructions. Drain and stir into pot of soup.

I'll Take the Caviar

Since my life is one of glamour, intrigue, mystery and drama, my 12 blog readers should know that the Jersey Girl loves me some caviar. And what better way to devour some then with the Barefoot Contessa's potato pancakes.

If you have a food processor and the patience to make some clarified butter, this recipe is really not all that high-falutin.

Now, getting your hands on some affordable caviar. Well, that's a different story. Fortunately in this age of the internets, it wasn't as challenging as you think. The word "caviar" always gives me flashbacks of Frasier and Niles having secret meetings with a Russian syndicate on an underground boat in the wee hours of the night so that they could score the most expensive, snootiest and tastiest fish eggs found that side of Seattle for a steal.

The Jersey Girl just logged on to Amazon and ordered this. It arrived two days later at my door step in perfect order.

Now in case you're all like, "Dang, girl. I ain't rollin' in dough."  I assure you, neither is The Jersey Girl. But special times call for special celebrations, and I hooked up The Husband with the gift of caviar for Valentine's Day 2014. My purchase included five types of caviar, and was about $60. Shipping was pricey, but my Main Man is worth it. I also picked up a tub of creme fraiche, which is French sour cream. Amazon also sells the cute caviar spoons. I did not buy these.

So, right. Valentine's Day. Yeah, this post has been collecting some dust. But it's here now!

If you have a food processor with a shredding attachment, prepping the potatoes really ain't no big thang. You need to drain the bejesus out of them in a colander with a kitchen towel. It's not pretty, but you have to get the moisture out of the potatoes so that your pancakes are crispy delicious.

To get your clarified butter on, you melt a stick of butter slowly in a small saucepan. Let it chill out for a bit. The milk solids congeal at the top. You scrape that off and the golden stuff left behind is your clarified butter. A stick makes waaaaay too much for this recipe cut in half, which is what I cooked for The Husband and moi. So, like a good responsible homemaker I stored the leftovers in the fridge, where they went to die a slow and moldy death. Rest in peace, left-over clarified butter.

I must give a shout-out to my sister Michele who rocks these out during the holidays when the crowd is small. You have to make the pancakes right before you serve, so it could be a pain-in-the-bootie for the non-hostess with mostess or if your party is bumping with lots of revelers. They are fab for the New Year. My sis makes them super fly.

Anywho, ain't no shame in getting your fancy on no matter what the occasion:

Potato Pancakes with Caviar
Serves 6 to 8
From "Barefoot Contessa Parties!"
By Ina Garten

4 large baking potatoes
2 extra large eggs, whisked
6 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
2 1/2 tsp. kosher salt
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
6 Tbsp. clarified butter
1/2 cup creme fraiche or sour cream
About 3 1/4 ounces (100 grams) good caviar or salmon roe

Peel the potatoes and grate them lengthwise. Place them in a colander or kitchen towel and squeeze out as much liquid as possible. Combine the potatoes in a bowl with the eggs, flour, salt and pepper. Mix well.

Melt 2 Tbsp. of the clarified butter in a skillet over medium heat. Drop a tablespoon of the potato mixture into the sizzling butter. Flatten with a spatula and cook for 2 minutes. Turn, flatten again, and cook for another 2 minutes or until crisp on the outside and golden brown. Serve the pancakes hot from the skillet with a dollop of creme fraiche and a teaspoon of caviar.

Clarified butter instructions: To make 6 Tbsp., clarified butter, slowly melt 8 Tbsp. butter in a small saucepan. Set it aside until the milk solids settle. Spoon off any solids that rise, then carefully pour of the golden liquid, discarding the milk part in the bottom of the pan.

Grilled Artichokes

Artichokes.

Love, love, love. But, girl. I NEVER make them.

For one thing my sheltered husband thought he didn't like them. That is until I bestowed upon him this loveliness:

Super big yum-yums.

Back in the day, my Ma and Aunt Lorraine would rock out some delish artichokes all stuffed with breadcrumb buttery deliciousness. For reals, they were a meal unto themselves and most likely super duper fattening.

These are wonderful if you're kickin' it vegetarian style. They also work great as an appie.

I had to give The Husband a tutorial on how to eat an artichoke. But, in the end it all worked out. He even asked for seconds. And I got a laugh.

Artichokes are a bit high-maintenance I suppose. You should trim the stem and discard the dodgy outer leaves. Cut them in half. Submerge in a pot of cold lemony water. Boil on the stove for a good 20 minutes. Cool. Remove the hairy nastiness from inside - unless you want to gag up a lung. Brush with marinade; cook; make a dipping sauce. Eat!

Good things come to those with patience, my friends. Plus word on the street - from all those health-nuts on the Internets - is that artichokes are chockful of health benefits: They have mad antioxidants, help your tummy feel good, lower cholesterol, blah, blah, blah.

KIDDING!

I'm chanting as I write this: I will be more healthy; I will be more healthy; I will have another glass of wine.

Grilled Artichokes
Makes 6 appetizer servings

The prep work:

Cut three artichokes in half. Place in a large bowl of cold water with the juice of one lemon. This process prevents browning.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil on your stove. Once the water is boiling, place the artichoke halves into the pot. Boil for 20 minutes.

Remove to a colander. Run under cold water for a minute. Place artichoke halves on a baking sheet to cool.

When artichokes are cool enough to handle, remove the fuzzy choke with a spoon super duper carefully. Be sure to keep the heart intact. You can eat that goodness!

Marinade:
3 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 tsp. dried oregano
Salt and pepper to taste

Whisk all the ingredients in a small bowl.

Brush over prepared artichokes.

Heat a grill pan over medium-high heat. Once nice and hot, place six artichokes cut-side down on the grill pan for about 12 to 15  minutes. Halfway through, rotate the pan.

Serve with spicy aioli. Recipe is below.

Spicy Aioli

1/2 cup mayo
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1 fat clove garlic, minced
Habanera pepper sauce to taste
Salt and pepper to taste

In a small bowl, whisk together all ingredients. Refrigerate until ready to use. Yes. It's really that easy.

The Cookie of All Cookies

It's not easy staying so svelte and glamorous. Obviously, the Jersey Girl is THE expert on the matter.

Six months since my last hair appointment. Oh yeah.

Five YEARS since I've strutted my stuff in a gym. Who's counting?

And my last full night of beauty sleep uninterrupted by a screaming toddler. Um, I'll get back to you. Ever since the daylight savings switch my day-to-day is hazy.

Truth be told, people REALLY do want to know how the Jersey Girl is able to kick it being extra small what with my love of food, booze and sarcasm. Not to mention my proximity to age 40. I'm not there yet, world. Hold your damn horses!

It's pretty much a failproof five-day-a-week formula: Infrequent eating and never sitting. Add in a bunch of chasing a toddler, cleaning a sizeable house and pretty much being a maniac during all working and non-working hours, and you have yourself down to your fighting weight circa high school junior year.

Look, my job keeps me on my toes: both the paying one and the mom one. And being a one-woman show means that my food intake is usually the lowest priority of my day. Is this wise, healthy or advised? Hell to the no. But, it's the Jersey Girl's reality.

On the plus side, I can totally rock a bikini while kickin' it at the Jersey shore. Yay!

And, if I want a cookie, a cookie I shall have.

But not just ANY morsel of chocolatey goodness will do. No, sir. If you're going to indulge, INDULGE with the best: Nigella!

These are THE best chocolate chip cookies in the whole entire land. 

The recipe claims that this makes 12 monster cookies, but I always get at least 18 monster cookies. I use three lined baking sheets. And I eat one of these with a big glass of red wine and no guilt. Cheers!

Totally Chocolately Chocolate Chip Cookies
From "Nigella Express"
By Nigella Lawson

4 oz semisweet chocolate
1 cup flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa, sifted
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 egg, cold from the fridge
2 cups semisweet chocolate morsels or dark chocolate chips

(Makes 12)

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. Melt the 4 ounces of chocolate.

Measure the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt into a bowl.

Cream the butter and two sugars in another bowl with a mixer. Add the melted chocolate and mix together.

Beat in the vanilla extract and a cold egg, and then mix in the dry ingredients. Finally, stir in the chocolate chips.

Scoop out 1/4 cup sized mounds - an ice cream scoop and a palette knife are the best tools for the job - and place on a lined baking sheet about 2 1/2 inches apart. Do not flatten them.

Bake for 18 minutes, testing with a cake tester to make sure they come out semi-clean and not wet with the cake batter. If you pierce a chocolate chip, try again.

Leave to cool on the baking sheet for 4-5 minutes, then transfer them to a cooling rack.